"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Monday, June 25, 2012

Faster than expected

I was facing a very busy schedule today, but oddly, every single thing went faster than expected, so I'm home at a reasonable hour with time to cook, do some laundry and do my yoga too. I went to work and got through posting the day's stories to the web pretty quickly. After my boss came out and handed me a new assignment that's officially an ongoing whole new job, I was in no mood to hang around any longer. I'd already requested the afternoon off, and with 10 comp hours to my credit already, I decided to leave at 11:15 a.m. I surprised the girls by coming home early, and told them to get ready to go. We have a stray who had kittens in our garage 10 weeks ago. One of them injured her foot last week. Infection had set in, and I wasn't about to watch her die a slow, agonizing and completely unnecessary death, so I resolved last night to take her to the vet. Fortunately, my short morning meant I could do it today. We got the kitten ready and I took the girls in town - along with the kitten - and dropped them off at the park while I went to my dentist's appointment (the original reason I took the afternoon off.) I was supposed to get my crown put on. They numbed me, did all the prep, then discovered fractures in the porcelain of the new crown. So they put the temporary back in and now I have to wait another three weeks to get the crown. They did go ahead and polish up three rough teeth my previous dentist had left me with, at no charge, so that was something accomplished with that trip. I returned to the park earlier than expected, and the girls decided they were hungry. We couldn't go to the vet until 4 p.m., so we had plenty of time to go pick up some food and sit at another park for a while to wait. At 4, I didn't know how long to expect to be at the vet's, but without an appointment, I expected a wait. So I dropped Gin off early at the YMCA for her 5 o'clock cheerleading practice. Munch and I took the kitten to the vet, and we were out of there in 11 minutes! The vet pulled off the dirt that had caked into the infection on the kitten's toe and determined the best bet would be to take off the tip. He said it could heal on its own, with some antibiotics, but with the bone sticking out (yes, it was) healing would be difficult and slow. I told him to go ahead and take the toe. He asked if I wanted to have her shots done. Since she's a stray, he said he didn't know how much I'd want to put into her. I told him, "Go ahead. After all this, she's pretty much adopted." So, I guess we have a kitten now. Munch and I went back to the Y and took a tour of the facility. We got our approval for financial aid, but I didn't bring the letter of verification along with me, so I couldn't complete the membership today. Who knew I'd have time?! So we'll get that Wednesday. After that, Munch and I went out to buy a new little litter box (our current cat Cookie's box is too big for the little one) and a few other things at the store while we waited for Gin. While we were there, Gin called from practice and said she had a headache, so we picked her up early too. It seems I can really get a lot done when I leave work early.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A little Sunday down time

I'm making a point of relaxing this Sunday morning. I slept in for a while, waking at 10:30 a.m. (that seems to be the limit of my "sleeping in," as I wake up by 10:30 regardless of how late I've stayed up). I have about 10 minutes left of morning now. My summertime hectic schedule has continued unabated. Last weekend, the girls and I took Book to the Columbus Zoo for his birthday. It rained most of the day, but that didn't prevent all of us having a good time - or all of us getting some moderate sunburn. We drove home during some horrible thunderstorms, which fortunately I was skirting the edge of most of the way. That was bad enough. It definitely tried my nerves. This week, Gin had her cheer practice on Monday, then the girls spent the afternoon with my mother on Tuesday. They got to swim, and I got to stay at the office until 9 p.m. finishing a special section I was building for the paper. I was very proud of how nice it looked and got lots of praise from everyone - except my boss, who response was something like, "Meh. It looks fine." Typical. The girls spent Tuesday night at their dad's and went with him swimming at the city pool Wednesday. (I got to take them over there though. No problem. I'm not busy or anything.) Then I picked them up there so Gin could go to her Wednesday cheer practice. Thursday was relatively normal and painless. We got to have an actual dinner at home. Friday night, I worked. I work every Friday night. Then yesterday I took the girls and dropped them off for their brother's graduation party. After I picked them up, the girls and I went to see a movie. MiB3 was lots of fun for all of us.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Past and future

As I face an uncertain future (isn't it always, though?), I find myself thinking a lot about the past lately. I think about the opportunities I had and the opportunities I could have had but never pursued. I wonder where I'd be right now if I had. I remember having so much potential. My career choice was a mistake. I know that. I could have been anything, done anything. My marriages were certainly mistakes. There's no question there. My first husband was on impulse and was meant as a means to escape. Instead, it just left me more trapped with fewer choices left to me. It lasted only five months, but I knew it was a bad idea even before I said my vows. I just thought, maybe, I could pull it off. My second marriage was far worse. He was unworthy even to date me, but I fell for a charm at first and then had this overwhelming need to fix him. That's pure foolishness at the outset. It was pure misery. I've been thinking about the ones who got away, too - the ones I loved and the ones the ones I thought I loved, the ones I might have loved and the ones who loved me. That uncertainty of a possibility never pursued, a connection never made but for a little more effort on either side. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I wonder if he thinks about me at all. And I think about where I am now. There are other possibilities - some real, some imagined. Some as unlikely to come to fruition as the sun is to orbit the moon. Some ... maybe ... possible after all. And many more likely to result in more failure, more rejection and more regret. It's not the uncertainty that keeps me paralyzed but more the knowledge, the absolute certainty, that the doors I attempt will be closed to me even though I know that I could succeed if allowed through.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Summertime, and the living is easy

Oh so NOT! Summer has officially, or unofficially, arrived, as the girls have finished the school year, and the days' temperatures top 90 degrees. We've found very little time to get out and enjoy those days though. Of course, there's my work - my long days' journeys into nights for many, many nights. We've got another vacationer out of the office for the next two weeks, so naturally, the pile on my plate has grown. It's not so bad at the moment though. I've certainly had worse. We also haven't gotten the call about the inspection for my house yet. "Within the next week or two" has stretched well beyond, and we're finding that keeping up with the clean is nearly as hard as getting it clean in the first place. No surprise there. We've never had time. Twenty large bags of garbage made their way to the curb over our two-week cleaning spree, and we had at least eight bags of clothes that went to the donation box. We've provided a new wardrobe for an entire family with just what was hiding in our closets and under our beds and at the bottoms of our drawers. Schedules have grown even more hectic as Gin has joined the YMCA cheerleading team and has practices in Sidney every Monday and Wednesday. That means I have to come home, pick up the girls, go back to Sidney (a 25-minute drive each way), wait for two hours then drive home. We've had one so far. The first practice of the month is open for parents to watch, so Munch and I sat through Monday's practice, then we came home and ate a very late dinner - we were finishing up at 11:30 p.m. The other practices I figure I will take Munch with me and go back to the office during practice. I'll have to sort out just how early I'll need to leave on those days, so I'm not building up too many hours. There's the additional expense as well - $40 per month, $5 for each extra tumbling class (offered as an option after each regular practice), $84 for uniform (that could be MUCH worse) - competition expenses will come later, too. In addition to the cheerleading, Gin has joined the school's volleyball team, so there are practices during the day for her. The regular practices are at the school gym, but conditioning is at the Versailles YMCA, which is a three-mile bike ride each way for her. She won't get to many of those, as she's babysitting for a neighbor a few days each week as well. The girls are also keeping up with their summer reading program through the library. Munch will also have the summer reading program through the school coming in July. She's also supposed to have tutoring sessions this summer, but I haven't gotten around to setting those up. We may just skip it, as I've got her repeating the entire fifth grade curriculum with a homeschool workbook during the summer, and when she gets through that, she'll start the bridge workbook for the transition from fifth to sixth grade. She was promoted to sixth grade, against all odds. She ended the school year with one F - in math - as well as three D's. She's gotten her diagnosis for ADD from a neurologist now though, so we can get her back to the pediatrician to start treatment. Gin made the honor roll, again. Munch is also continuing with her dog walking each day, and the neighbor she does that for has asked if she could help out with some light housework for some additional money. Munch cleaning? That's a good one! Gin's offered to do it instead. She says cleaning relaxes her. I'm exhausted already. And Gin is a crazy powerhouse. :)