"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Monday, May 25, 2009

Ramping up

I'm starting to think sometimes, "why did I do this?" I REALLY needed the pay increase, for one. That might even have been the biggest one. But I also needed to FEEL something more about my work. I'd been sort of dying off inside before. Now, though, I do question the wisdom in it sometimes. It's been - what? - three weeks now? Or is it four? Nearly every day's been upward of 12 hours. Most right about 13. And those are packed hours, too. The time flies because it doesn't stop for a minute. In fact, minutes overlap. Things have to be done at the same time, or I even have to be in two places at once. And it doesn't end.

This week is going to be brutal, and I'm only working three days. Off today, although I went to shoot a parade for work. Tomorrow - almost certain to be hell. Wednesday, off, but wondering if I really will be off. Thursday and Friday - work. I'm expected to do so much - then I'm thrown two more. When I start dropping balls, the whole thing's going to collapse. I've never failed at work before. I'm thrown a problem and I solve it. I'm given a task and I complete it. Even sometimes when it seems that it would have required the bending of space and time, I could manage it. I'll just have to find a way.

With summer here and the girls off school, I can go into the office earlier in the mornings. I can do things then when it's quiet: maintenance, background work, sorting copy for the day, searching for news, going through e-mails. Then I'll be ahead when the normal workday begins and I can start making phone calls and start writing earlier. In between times I can try to keep up with the copy being entered into the system, so I can get it edited as quickly as possible. With our new paginator starting as early as she does, it's hard to keep up with getting everything edited immediately so she can get it on the page. Meantime, if the layouts are ready, I need to prep the front page, since I'll be building page one and two this week. (Hmmm, see why I was wondering if I would actually be getting Wednesday off. I'm also supposed to be learning how to paginate the entire paper, front to back, beginning to end. And I'm supposed to become the expert on, I think, four or five huge, complex long-term issues in the area, because apparently, I'll be taking them all on. I can do it. I can. There's more on the list. I'll sleep on it. And I'll start early in the morning. The girls are at my mother's tonight. I can leave early.

I hear thunder in the distance, I think. I hope it's not a false alarm. I want to fall asleep to a good thunderstorm tonight.

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