"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

So tired

I'm so tired lately, and sad, and feeling utterly overwhelmed.

How can I get all this work done that I need to do when I have no energy - and no motivation. I am responsible for doing so much work for a paper that won't even hire me as an actual employee. Well, it's not the paper - or the editor - it's the stupid company. So I'm working and working and working for a company that won't give me a job. And I need to find a job, but I have no strength. I have no energy.

I just feel like there's a massive hole in my life, and nothing's going right, and I don't even have the will to try because it all seems so hopeless.

Top it off that with the fact that I've fallen - far too hard - for someone who can't even begin to consider being with me. And I find myself dwelling on him all the time. He's become more aware of it and has taken to avoiding me, so now I miss the friendship we had as well. It's my own fault - mostly. He'd always let me believe there could be possibilities - even saying that he knew it would be wonderful - but whenever I've confronted him with taking action on the idea, he's backed away. So rather than just letting well enough be, I had to go and push him again. So now I'm greatly feeling his absence as he's pulled away again.

If I can't even bring myself to think positively about anything, how can I make anything right again?
Hither and yon

3 comments:

Angel said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling right now, and I'm really sorry about your friend, and that he isn't ready for a relationship. I know how much that hurts. I hope he gets over it and comes back around.
Take care, and hope that your week gets better.

Jen said...

I know it sounds trite but it is always darkest before the dawn and this might just be the low before the high. Forget about the guy, really, that's bringing you down in every other area of your life. Go get a facial or new hair cut or something that makes you feel good about yourself and forget about him.

DD said...

I live w/insomnia too - what a coincidence :D The lethargy & exhaustion likely is from insomnia burnout. Not sure if you're aware of this, but....

The liver cleans our blood & systems from approx. 11pm till morning.. After awhile of not sleeping during these hours, our livers get sluggish. Illness can set in as well...

Have a good sleep somehow - everything will begin to look rosier again. Lately, I've been feeling sluggish myself.