"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I'm crazy busy lately - can you tell? When was my last post? Geez! Go ahead and let go with the wet noodles - I deserve it. This one's overdue...

My ex-husband called me Saturday night. This would be my seven-year-ago ex-husband, mind you - and unfortunately, the father of my two daughters. He periodically gets it into his head that he might have a chance in hell of getting me back, and apparently, Saturday was one of those times. It was all the same stuff - he made a mistake; he claims, yet again, that he didn't cheat after we were married (don't believe him for a second and know for a fact that he did after our first daughter was born); swears he's changed; blah, blah, BLAH! He doesn't get the fact that I don't care if he's changed. I don't care if he's declared a saint. He KILLED every good feeling I had for him while we were together. He keeps saying he wants a second chance. He had at least a half dozen second chances. While we were together, the disgustingly pathetic excuse for a man cheated, lied, spent virtually every waking moment either gone or so doped up on Xanax and muscle relaxers that he was completely incoherent, and once even emptied our joint bank account to buy crack. Take him back?! FUCK NO! I'm so sick of it.
I let him wail on and on.....and on. He went on for more than an hour. I know I shouldn't have, but I've been soft on him since he moved in with his mother when she was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Not soft - or stupid - enough to even consider for a SECOND taking him back, but I let him do his crybaby shit again. I was trying to be kind. I can't help but pity him - in a pathetic, useless waste of space kind of way. Thinking on it though, I don't think I'm being kind. I'm sick of it. It's been seven years. He needs to move on. I don't CARE if he compares every woman to me, and they don't measure up. He'll have to learn to settle for less. I did - for a while - when I married him. He had me, and he killed it. Then he came back and stomped on it for good measure. Then he spit in its face (he actually did that to me once, too). Then he knocked it down a flight of stairs (did that to me too - when I was eight months pregnant).
He whines on and on about how he's thought about putting a gun to his head (he always says that), but now he says at least he's man enough to stick around for his kids. Puh-leeze! In seven years, he's managed to scrape together a grand total of $150 to help with the girls. There's no child support. He bullied me into shared parenting to get out of it. Of course, he doesn't share the parenting. He's gone a month or more without seeing them. Part of the agreement is to pay half of their expenses too. 150 bucks sure as hell isn't half the cost of raising two girls for seven years. I say he's not being man enough to stick around for them. They'd be better off if he did put a gun to his head. At least then they'd get Social Security benefits, which is far more than they've ever gotten from him. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, he got them Christmas presents TWICE in those seven years. The other years he conveniently saw them shortly before Christmas, promised them he'd get them something, then failed to contact them at all for a month and a half or so - hoping that Christmas would be conveniently overlooked. He's useless. If he wants to really be a man, he should just go ahead and DO IT already. If I had a gun, I'd lend it to him. Barring that (and he won't - he's too much of a coward and too in love with himself), he just needs to financially support his kids and stay the hell away from me.
When I'm civil to him, he always starts this shit. Hell, he mentioned wanting to kiss me, and it made me want to vomit. I told him I don't have a choice. If I'm civil, he starts crossing the line. Time to turn on the 'bitch switch' again. This time has been the last time I'll bother trying to be nice. I'm fucking done.

Oh and since he's moved again my IP block on him doesn't work, so he said he's read this blog a few times. Hope he reads this one.

1 comment:

The Hawg! said...

"Hope he reads this one."

Now, that is absolutely beautiful. Love it!

I've got an ex-wife, too. I was fortunate to not have any kids with her. She used to call from time to time until that day my wife picked up the phone.

I haven't heard from her since.

Good luck!