Insomnimusing: Allons-y!

The girls and I went to the park for a little while this afternoon. The air was soooo hot but there was a strong wind blowing too. It was actually a little disorienting. The hot wind seemed to draw the life out of all of us. The air conditioning felt fantastic when we got home. I had a couple of nice chats today - not the ones I wanted to, but still, they were nice. I also got to learn a little more about a new old friend...or an old new friend. Either way - it was really nice. AAANNNDDD my very long-lost friend from my childhood has now joined Facebook, so we actually chatted a little while there tonight too. That was almost surreal. I remember being at a birthday/slumber party at her house - we must have been about 12 years old - and so much of it is sooooo ridiculously clear to me. We watched videos of the movies Risky Business and Savannah Smiles. I remember that we kept surreptitiously rewinding RB over and over again to watch the underwear dance (particularly the part on the cou...

Before the folks at Lifetime television suffer collective apoplexy over my little blog here, I would like to issue a clarification. A few days ago I mentioned that Lifetime had a new promotion going centering on this nifty redecorated jet called the Flying Tigress. I thought they were being terribly irresponsible in this day and age, as their promos go on and on about the plane "traveling" all over the country to promote Lifetime. (Somehow, MY little ol' post came up as the top result on Google for the search term "Lifetime Flying Tigress" at one point - it doesn't seem to anymore, but the Digg for it does.) Well, some anonymous person or persons over at Lifetime (according to my site tracking) has pointed out to me that it's a nonworking jet that won't be FLYING anywhere; therefore, this person recommended that I "calm down." (It will, however, be hauled about somehow, unless the whole "traveling" bit was a COMPLETE fabrication, ...

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This is my 100th post! The forecast calls for sunshine and 90 degrees today. Sun and 94 tomorrow. The humidity already is climbing. It's going to be miserable out. Seems too early in the year, but then nothing feels quite right lately. How did someone so far away come to so integral to my life? Serendipity (the movie) is on this morning. I never seem to be able to avoid watching it when it's on. It's become another When Harry Met Sally... to me, or even The Princess Bride. Hmm....... sappy stories of love and destiny and luck and fate. I believed - once. It wasn't perfect, by any standard. But it just felt RIGHT . He wasn't perfect, but HE felt right. My mother called me this morning. Apparently my column was bumped from the local paper on Tuesday (it'll run Saturday instead - no big), but she was worried when she didn't see it. She's been with me through just about every relationship fiasco of my life, but she saw something different in this one too. S...

I finally got my thunderstorm! It was a spectacular thing. Its peak intensity lasted for at least 20 or 30 minutes with crashing thunder that shook the house and brilliant flashes of lightning that made my heart stop for a moment and driving rain thrumming against the roof and howling winds that had the windows rattling. Then, as if a faucet had been turned off, it just stopped. All was silent except for the sound of the runoff in the gutters. Then a slow rumble began in the distance, and a flickering appeared beyond the horizon. Then.....BOOM! It began again in full force for just a couple more minutes. The thunder and lightning continued for more than three hours afterward. It was glorious! I paused before work this morning long enough to take that pic of the tangled mass of blankets and hair somewhere within which my daughters could be found. However, I can maintain the Wordless of Wordless Wednesday for only one post. I can't ever promise you silence - particularly not with the...

*** Required addition: When I woke up this morning I saw this tangled mass of hair and blankets and bodies - and a foot. I'm not entirely sure whose foot that is. I think it must be Gin's, but I'm at a loss to figure out how she's folded up under there. I don't think there's anyone else in there. Hmmm....

I signed up for SocialSpark ! Actually, I signed up about a month ago, but now that my blog has reached the ripe old age of 90 days (birthday balloons and flowers may be delivered via the rear entrance - thank you!), now I'm happy to say that Insomnimusing is a fully qualified blog for SocialSpark , and I can now take advantage of all kinds of wonderful opportunities to make money with my blog while writing only about the things that I want to write about. Advertisers join SocialSpark to spread the word about their site, opportunity, product or service. They want you to use your blog to write about their thing and get more attention for it. But it's not just advertising. You don't have to support anything you don't like. Everything you post is expected to be your 100% REAL opinion. That's right. YOUR opinion is the one that matters. And your'e invited - heck, you get PAID - to let EVERYBODY know about it. On top of being a way to make money with a blog, SocialS...

I'll throw my voice in marking this moment in history as Barack Obama clinches the Democratic nomination for president of the United States. Congratulations, and stay safe. (And don't pick Hillary.)

I was awake an hour and a half before my alarm this morning - again. And I spent the time being sick - again. Retching is a fantastic isometric exercise. I'll be sporting a six-pack in no time. My past came back to me too - again. It will not be more than my past though. I don't confuse a history with a future. Even a history not properly finished is not the place to go to find the rest of my life. That flash of light in the convergence of 'new' and 'history' can be blinding. I know. I've been there, and I've seen it over and over, too. And I've never known of anyone who could be convinced that it was what it was. Only time ever seems to be able to teach that lesson. I've got a few "less-thans" coming forward, as well. But I don't do casual. And I can't give my heart away again. And I don't know how to be only partly THERE. Few things I need to figure out as I move forward, I guess. And I can never again underestimate the i...

Lifetime television for women has got this new ad campaign about some big promotional tour. They've got this nifty, massive jet called the "Flying Tigress" that they'll be flying all over the country promoting all the new changes at Lifetime. Great movies, new shows. All kinds of whoopty-whoop. But here's the thing....hasn't anyone mentioned to the marketing folks at Lifetime that it's 2008? Gas for cars is $4 a gallon - at least. (Jet fuel prices are insane as well.) Our dependence on foreign oil is almost universally recognized as out of control. We are coming to awareness on our environmental impact, and regardless of our position on global warming, can at least recognize the value in minimizing impact. What's the carbon footprint on that Flying Tigress, Lifetime? How many of your regular viewers can even afford to fly commercially - let alone on a private jet - with the increase in ticket prices because of rising fuel prices? Do you know who your v...

For the briefest time - before the world flipped over - I got a tiny taste of happiness, a glimpse of hope, a dream for a future. He knew me. He knew how hard it was for me to be vulnerable again. He knew that I lived in terror of the day that I should lose him. I don't know how this could happen. None of this is right at all. This would all make a lot more sense to me if I were to look in the mirror and find myself sporting a curly mustache. "Oh, what fresh hell is this?" I worked. It did keep me busy. I had the extra work of the other two papers, as well as my usual extras for Monday and some special requests from the peanut gallery. I got it all done cleanly and efficiently. And I still broke down and cried five separate times before noon. (I specifically kept track - 'cos it seemed like a lot lately. He must take some joy in knowing he wields such power.) I ate some. It sits like a lump, but it sits. I napped in the middle of the day. I usually can't do that, ...

I've just now gotten to the point that I could even look at graduation photos. Here's one of the me and my big boy. And one of all the kids together. I wish that one was better. It's so rare that all four of them are in the same place at the same time. I won't even comment on me .

It's a clear, blue, warm, sunny day. I ventured out, and I have to say, I'm getting really tired of feeling like this. I know it's over. I know if he can't love me completely then he's not worthy of me. So I took my girls to lunch. Everything looked great. Tasted wonderful too. I was really making some progress, until the reggae was piped in through the sound system. That was the end of my lunch. From there we went to the grocery store. I felt progressively weaker as we proceeded through the store. The tears didn't break through until I got to the fruit. (No surprise there.) At least I made it to the parking lot before I actually got sick. So much for lunch. I had a large, empty cup on hand for the drive home. (Allow me to express here additional RAGE at the fact that my own body is so betraying me and shows no signs of relenting!) That had been the most I'd gotten into my stomach at one time in a week. My head's got it figured out, but the universe isn...

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"My mama always taught me to play by the rules and to respect the rules...When you decide to change those rules - especially in the middle of the game - that is referred to as cheating" - Donna Brazile The depths of my despondency were not enough to keep me away from the Democratic National Committee's rules committee meeting to determine the allocation of the delegates from Michigan and Florida. Apparently, I can go without food or air, but I can't give up politics - not when they're this compelling, anyway. I don't know if I'll be able to manage any kind of analysis or commentary, but for now, observing the process is enough. Btw, I have been neglecting my workouts terribly, but my newly trimmed waistline still deserves some showing off. I don't recommend it, but if you absolutely must lose seven pounds in less than a week... *** WOOHOO! Update - something *settled* for Florida and Michigan. Unless there's an appeal. So......are we done yet?

Ugh.... My ex-husband has discovered the Internet (he attempted years ago but never got beyond porn in the year or two he had access at home). He called me asking how to work it. From what I understand, he was attempting to send me an e-mail by typing my username into Google. I am stunned and a little bewildered that he somehow managed to remember a username for me that he must have encountered a very long time ago. Anyway, I suggested that if he wants to learn to use the Internet, he should go to Google and type in "how to use the Internet." As if I want to help him into my world. He said he wants to be able to communicate with me online. Uh...is that supposed to be incentive for me to teach him? I'll set the girls up with an e-mail account if it comes to it. I sure as hell don't want to hear from him anymore than I already am forced to. I'd better get some sleep. I've got an early morning of work ahead of me. Something has to turn in my favor at some point, ...

Well, my boy's got a couple more graduation parties to attend this weekend. He's off now with his girlfriend helping to build a shed before hers tomorrow. He told me today that he was getting tired of graduation parties. He's the type of boy who would rather just spend the evening hanging out watching The Office with four or five of his buddies - or watching a chick flick with his girlfriend. ♥ There are worse ways he could be. I'll take him. My girls are spending the night with a friend, so it's just me at home tonight. I'll be working this weekend (so I guess it's really a good thing that our grad party isn't this week). I'll also be doing double the work on Monday. Keep me busy. I"m going to have to go into the office soon though. I just can't handle being in public right now. My son drove us out today, and we went to order his cake and some photos. I made it until we were on our way home. Even ate a little. It was good I didn't have ...