"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Yet another day gone by

The girls and I went to the park for a little while this afternoon. The air was soooo hot but there was a strong wind blowing too. It was actually a little disorienting. The hot wind seemed to draw the life out of all of us. The air conditioning felt fantastic when we got home.

I had a couple of nice chats today - not the ones I wanted to, but still, they were nice. I also got to learn a little more about a new old friend...or an old new friend. Either way - it was really nice.

AAANNNDDD my very long-lost friend from my childhood has now joined Facebook, so we actually chatted a little while there tonight too. That was almost surreal. I remember being at a birthday/slumber party at her house - we must have been about 12 years old - and so much of it is sooooo ridiculously clear to me. We watched videos of the movies Risky Business and Savannah Smiles. I remember that we kept surreptitiously rewinding RB over and over again to watch the underwear dance (particularly the part on the couch!!) without getting caught by her mother. Haha! Silly the things one remembers.... I remember, too, that I was the only girl who wasn't massively crushing on Tom Cruise. He just wasn't my thing, as I recall.

Anyway, I ate TWICE today. And it all stayed down. And I didn't cry at all...until just now when I started to think again. I know he's gone because he chooses to be, and I deserve someone who chooses me. I know what we had is over. I just wish I knew how to STOP loving him....


Anonymous said...

hi there dear!

i wish i can just be there to give you a hug and everything will be okay. i can only whisper a prayer for your well being.

take care! :)

Rachel S said...

Thanks so much! It's a slow and painful process, but I'll get there.

Love Bites said...

You've been reviewed.

I've so been where you are at right now. It really will get easier. It's been over a year now since my breakup, and life could not be better. But damn, it totally was the suck about 16 months ago. I mean, THE SUCK. The pain will pass, you will go on, stronger and better.