"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Monday, June 2, 2008

It's Monday

For the briefest time - before the world flipped over - I got a tiny taste of happiness, a glimpse of hope, a dream for a future. He knew me. He knew how hard it was for me to be vulnerable again. He knew that I lived in terror of the day that I should lose him. I don't know how this could happen. None of this is right at all. This would all make a lot more sense to me if I were to look in the mirror and find myself sporting a curly mustache.

"Oh, what fresh hell is this?"

I worked. It did keep me busy. I had the extra work of the other two papers, as well as my usual extras for Monday and some special requests from the peanut gallery. I got it all done cleanly and efficiently. And I still broke down and cried five separate times before noon. (I specifically kept track - 'cos it seemed like a lot lately. He must take some joy in knowing he wields such power.)

I ate some. It sits like a lump, but it sits. I napped in the middle of the day. I usually can't do that, but sleep is so much easier. The sky has turned a strange color. I hope there's a storm coming. Something really big. I doubt it though. I checked the radar. A tiny system passed just to the north, and the forecast doesn't have anything until tomorrow.

I thought I just heard a distant rumble of thunder. Probably just wishful thinking. On the plus side, I've gone nine solid hours with dry cheeks. I think that's a record.


Jim said...

Rachel, I'm sorry you have such a mean boss. I was looking for 'Lump,' your cat and it came up with this.

I'd say wash his coffee cup out in the toilet every morning before he comes in!
I'm glad you have happy pictures on your blog!

Rachel S said...

Oh thanks, but it wasn't my boss who made me cry. It was part of a running theme after I lost my love out of the blue to another woman.
Thanks for visiting though!