"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Thunderstorms ... and illumination

I finally got my thunderstorm! It was a spectacular thing. Its peak intensity lasted for at least 20 or 30 minutes with crashing thunder that shook the house and brilliant flashes of lightning that made my heart stop for a moment and driving rain thrumming against the roof and howling winds that had the windows rattling. Then, as if a faucet had been turned off, it just stopped. All was silent except for the sound of the runoff in the gutters. Then a slow rumble began in the distance, and a flickering appeared beyond the horizon. Then.....BOOM! It began again in full force for just a couple more minutes. The thunder and lightning continued for more than three hours afterward. It was glorious!

I paused before work this morning long enough to take that pic of the tangled mass of blankets and hair somewhere within which my daughters could be found. However, I can maintain the Wordless of Wordless Wednesday for only one post. I can't ever promise you silence - particularly not with the scrambled mess in my head lately. :)

Work was uneventful, but it was followed by a therapeutic chat that left me not any happier but at least a little more settled within myself. I find they've been having that effect on me consistently. I understand they'll be ending shortly, and I'll adjust. But I think there is a real friendship here that should be preserved.

I found myself becoming a bit melancholy and thought I'd get out for a little while. I don't know why I keep thinking that will help. For some reason, being OUT intensifies the feelings, which is odd for any number of reasons... Anyway, I took the girls to a late lunch. (NO sick today) then we went shopping for a little while. It built up in me again so it was a short trip and difficult drive home.

My evening turned for the better though. I got on Facebook for a while and played some poker just to clear my head. I cleaned up! And I had a fun, relaxed chat with everybody in the room. It just felt good. I closed out of the game though when I got messaged by two friends at the same time and couldn't keep up with the windows. :)

My friends are being such ANGELS lately, checking up on me and offering encouragement - even though no one REALLY knows any of the story (ours was the stuff of legend, we always said- though very few ever knew about it). But they've known I'm feeling down, so they're helping to boost me up. One chat tonight was that great kind of thing. Very sweet and thoughtful. The other, though..... made ... me ... SMILE. And ... it opened up some VERY interesting possibilities. Something new. Something exciting. Something adventurous. A vacation from my life. A vacation from my loss. A vacation from myself, even.

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