"I want, I want, I want ... but that's crazy"

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Alphabet soup in my head...flash word flood warning...

How cruel this life that offers up a taste of its sweetness only to rend it away once the craving for it has insinuated itself irrevocably upon the tip of the tongue.

Well, I think it's time to accept yet another shift in the sands of my life. But I'm not going to fight it. I'm just going along with it. I did what I could to go off in another direction, but it appears that it is simply not to be. And here, I have been presented with an entirely different option - at precisely the right time - so why not? Why shouldn't I go along with it and see what happens? There's nothing to stop me. I can't think of any reason I shouldn't. Except that it's soooo hard for me to let go of that ... other direction.

I'm being cryptic. I know. I get unexpected visitors here sometimes, and it always seems to be at the worst time. I have to learn to get past that. I know that, too. This is the place that I shouldn't have to censor myself, and I've already once complied with a request to use discretion here from someone else. I don't need to be doing it to myself too. I've gone anonymous elsewhere in the blogosphere now, but my primary focus is still here. This is still where my day-to-day and most of my heart goes. The other blog is more to sort out the scrambles in my head. (Good lord! Thank goodness for blog therapy!) I'll get back to politics at some point here, too. I seem to have lost some of my passion for it lately. Funny, the very thing that frustrated me most regarding politics is now gone, and my interest level has plummeted. I miss the spirited political discussions. Even though they had me pulling my hair out.

So glad I have someone so dear to talk to...

****
And this can't be neglected.....

AMERICA'S BEER HAS BEEN SOLD TO A BELGIAN COMPANY!!!!
Okay, I'm not a big beer fan in general. I'm a complete wuss about it as a matter of fact. I'll drink Bud Light most of the time. When I want a *decent* beer, I'll have a Miller Genuine Draft. When I want a *real* beer, I'll have a Molson Golden. Keep anything with any more bite than that. Ick! Just can't do it. (Shot of tequila though! Yeah! Rock on!)

But anyway...

Yes, I'm aware that Budweiser is not "native" to America. But come on. We've had it forever. It's been reformulated to a distinctly American (yes - completely wussy to the rest of the world - but it's ours) flavor. Those Clydesdales are iconic! More people watch the Super Bowl to see the Budweiser commercials than to see the game! Every boy in this country has a poster of those Budweiser chicks in bikinis on his wall at some point in his youth! This beer is a part of the American Fabric!

Jeez, that suddenly seems pathetic. America is beer and cheeseburgers, Budweiser and McDonald's. We're so young. I crave history (to digress...again). Not the history of Boston and Philadelphia, but the history of London and Paris and Rome and Athens (Greece, I mean - although the one in Ohio is quite lovely). Don't get me wrong. I love this country. We're huge. We have everything. We're ridiculously spoiled. We have great beauty and great lives and great cities and great opportunities. But I crave history.

My mind is wandering again tonight. Can you tell? I'm insomnimusing.... although, it's still reasonably early yet. And I think I'll sleep just fine. :) I think. I AM pretty scrambled. Crap. Best not to think about it. Bah! I've got alphabet soup in my head!

I'm sitting in my room swatting at gnats. I keep a fan in my window because I can't stand stagnant air, and when night falls and my light is on, the gnats start coming through the screen. I hate gnats. Bane of my existence. Try to let the room breathe and the damn GNATS squeeze in through the little holes and RUIN EVERYTHING!! Guh-fuckin'-nnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaattttttttttsssssssssss! Aaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!! (Yes - there's a whole other layer of meaning to that statement. Of course.) I do, however, get much joy from splatting them... grrr......

Ugh..where did that come from? Man....I've got issues. Damn. I've got a meeting tomorrow, too.

I got a letter in my mailbox today informing me that if I would be requiring access to my car in the next week, I would have to move it from my driveway to the school parking lot two blocks away. They're finally getting around to putting in municipal water in my wee little hamlet-in-a-cornfield. At the moment, all the properties are on wells. (We've got about 300 residences.) Anyway, all summer it's been a nightmare of roadwork as they tear up the pavement to lay water mains. We don't have alternate routes here - there are two roads coming south into town from the east-west main road three miles up and one from the north-south road that passes about a mile off to the east of us. All of them are in shambles! I've actually gotten a flat tire from driving on them! I'll be glad when this is all over. Even moreso because my white clothes won't turn dingy orange (as well as my shower) from all the rust in the well. (We've got high iron soil around here - I invest in cases of CLR). Still, it's not going to be fun carrying everything from the car two blocks away for a week. Good thing the forecast is clear.

Anybody still reading? I'm really babbling now....

Speaking of weather, we had a heck of a thunderstorm over the weekend. Flash flooding everywhere because we've been so saturated from all the rain recently. It was a spectacular event though. I love a good thunderstorm. They...do....things to me....

The radio isn't conspiring against me today, but the television certainly seems to be. A movie here, and TV show there ... and one just showed a scene in the precise location...where a memory was once made. I'm not paying attention to what I should consciously avoid, so they keep sneaking up on me. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Why can't this just go away?! After all, in a way, it almost seems as if it never existed. It was never really in my life here. That particular shortfall I think was catastrophic, in hindsight. But too, it was all kept so quiet that it's faded away without seeming to have left any substance, any impact. But I know of its impact. It was not insignificant. It was powerful, and it was real.

Oooooohhhh..... I shouldn't wallow in melancholy. I have such bright new characters in my life. It hasn't quite followed my plan, but my outlook is still quite good. It's certainly turning out to be an eventful summer...

Pooh's still road-tripping, but he's calling me to check in every night like a good boy. :) He's in Boston (staying with a friend's relative just outside Boston, actually) tonight. He and his pals are headed to New York tomorrow, then they'll be heading back home.

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