I'm feeling a little directionless lately, and yet, I'm strangely content, too. I feel like I'm at a beginning here, and there's a world of possibilities open in front of me. There's nothing to stop me from diving right in. For once, I feel as if I could go anywhere if I just put myself out there.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Onward
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Some Sunday downtime...for a change
I finally got to have a nice relaxing Sunday.
I didn't have to wake to an alarm clock, but for some reason I was awake at 7 a.m. anyway. Oh yeah, I was awakened by a text alert for a message from my friend S, an Italian residing in Greece. I'm still a bit confused by his correspondence. I can't quite read the tone of it. Hmmm..... Still, it IS sort of intriguing, and he has some lovely, interesting qualities. But my focus is elsewhere, and as long as G continues to give me any encouragement at all, I suspect he'll be remaining fairly securely at the top of my interests in that regard. There's a "something" there.
Great game today. As a newbie with no particular loyalties, I thought Spain deserved the win. They've had an amazing tournament. It's too bad David Villa couldn't participate in the final. Top goal scorer of the tournament though! Not bad! According to the results of my poll, I see about half of you weren't watching Euro '08 - so I apologize if I've bored you. But about a third were watching, so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!!
I've got a column to write tonight. If anything interesting happens, I might write an update here, but otherwise, see you all tomorrow!
Oh, and I almost forgot those pictures I promised.
Pooh and his girlfriend
Gin in front of the Maverick
Artefill $10,000 makeover contest
I keep seeing this commercial lately for this procedure called Artefill that can fill the lines around your mouth and take years off your face. Well, I'm 35 now, and I'll admit, sometimes I'm not thrilled with what I see in the mirror. Accepting the fact that I now have an ADULT son hasn't been easy either. And I'm single again. But I like my prospects. :)
Anyway, I came across this contest sponsored by Artefill for a $10,000 makeover! "Hey, why not?" I say!
The contest is for women 35 years and older, and all you need to do is submit an essay about a life-changing experience and how you got through it and how it changed you. Well, I have one of those. Any of my regular readers have gotten their fill of it, I'm sure. My breakup (or whatever the end of that undefined relationship should be called) was hard on me, but I'm seeing a light at the end of that tunnel. And that light is the rest of my life. It's coming, regardless of what I do, so I'm steaming on at full speed. I think it's got great things ahead of me.
So I thought this makeover contest sounded like a great opportunity for someone like me - someone who's gone through a major life transition and is ready to move on to the next step - looking and feeling her best.
Does this sound like you? If you're 35 or older, check out the Artefill Makeover contest, and see if it's something you might be interested in.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Untitled
I'm a hopeless romantic
You tell me
I'm a naive idealist
You've said
"Why do you like me?"
You ask
Not realizing how beautiful
You are
You make me smile
That's why
Friday, June 27, 2008
We got to the Point....and back
I'm still quite tired today. I went 23 hours up yesterday - driving, walking, rollercoastering - then four hours sleep before getting up to work this morning.
I learned some new html bells and whistles I hadn't known before, so I created the project that was put forth to me last minute by the ad girls. Isn't it always the way? Someone gets a "brilliant" idea, then someone else (me) gets to do the work to make it happen...then someone else gets money off the deal somehow. But anyway, I was very proud of myself for what I did - even if no one notices the work that went into it.
Yesterday was insanely long but a lot of fun. We got to do most of the best coasters. I did Top Thrill Dragster with Pooh, because Gin backed out at the last minute. It was great, but the thrill was the speed (120 mph/190kph) rather than the height (420 feet/130 meters). The best was by far the Millenium Force - which had slipped under my pre-trip radar. Those were the top two, but we all decided that for an overall experience, we prefer King's Island to Cedar Point. We're hoping to squeeze in a trip there later this summer. We've got to find time for a zoo trip for Munch too. She has to feed her giraffe addiction periodically.
There was one especially fun little tidbit to the day. We got to ride the Maverick (which is a roller coaster waaaay better than its name) with the holder of the record for the most rides on it. The ride was new last summer, and this guy was riding it for his 567th time! He told us that he was a member of two coaster clubs, and he'd ridden it 471 times last year - including one day in which he rode 91 times! 68 of those without ever getting off the ride! See the POV video of the Maverick below.
I was a little surprised that I held up as well as I did. I ended the day with an ache in my right hip and sore knees (I have some fairly serious hip and knee issues), but I was feeling a lot better than I was after last year's KI trip. And certainly better than my day walking in Vancouver. (Another little spoiler for the trip that turned out to have the fate of a whole relationship riding on it.) Anyway, the weather held out for us, even though it looked terribly threatening at one point. We got very lucky there.
Anyway, I'll have pictures up tomorrow. Or skip ahead and see them in my albums on Picasa here.
At the moment, I've got a soccer game to watch from yesterday. Don't spoil it for me!
Maverick video
Check out Millenium Force too!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I sooo wanted to play with those curls.... :)
I'm smiling, though I'm mourning the loss of some of my favorite curls. :) And yet, I DO still like....yes. :) Hehe. I'm getting whole NEW ideas. Hehe.
We've had severe weather warnings all night, and it looks as if it's finally about to strike. The forecasts call for more tomorrow. I hope it doesn't spoil our day at Cedar Point.
I've had a few too many memories today. I go longer and longer without them now, but still, some occasionally do start to burrow their way back up to the front of my thoughts.
I might miss posting tomorrow, but I'll be Twittering and updating my mobile Facebook, I'm sure. Some ties can't be broken. :) I'll have LOTS of pictures later, though! I plan to take a TON! Yay! I'm so looking forward to some adrenaline!
Oooohh! Lightning!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
(Bzz - txt alert)
I awoke to one sweet word this morning, and I think I've decided it's my new favorite word in the world. :) (Even though I had to look it up. I might have to brush up on my Italian.)
I spent my morning working and early afternoon at the bank trying to open a savings account for Munch with my mother. Always fun. Now I know why I conduct as much of my business as possible online. I really don't like people. At least not in certain situations. Some situations are just easier without people to deal with.
Thank goodness soccer is on again tomorrow. I'm suffering withdrawal.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Too tired
My pace seems to have caught up with me. Not only did I somehow fall asleep during the game yesterday (woke up in time for the all-important end though...it was a deserved win for Spain, but I was was still saddened to see the Azzurri knocked out of the tournament), but I even came home from the office today and fell asleep again. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I've been operating on too much coffee and too little sleep for too long now.
I awoke to the news this morning of George Carlin's death. He was always a favorite of mine. When I went into the office, of course, he was the first topic of conversation on everyone's lips. (I did hear one person say, "who's George Carlin?" - which just made me cringe.)
I'm afraid I'm not very inspired to write today. Maybe more tomorrow. I need to rest up for my day off. It will be a lot of fun, I know, but it's going to be a very long day too.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Hectic...but happy. I'll take it. :)
What a busy weekend this is shaping up to be! Fortunately, it got off on a great foot, and it's been pretty good, too.
Friday night I got an unexpected text that put such a smile on my face that I was still grinning in the morning. In fact, I'm still grinning now. Saturday was the usual - work, pick up Book, lunch, pick up the girls, more work - soccer!! - dinner... long. I got to have a lovely long chat with a dear new friend though. That was a very nice smile too. In fact, that one's still got me grinning, too.
Well, I've finished my work for this morning. Still got a column to write tonight. And my usual long Sunday awaits (but more soccer too! Can't WAIT for today's game!). Oh, and I got confirmation on my Cedar Point tickets, so our trip is on! Only one more thing could boost my mood even further right now... Still got my fingers crossed on that one. :)
Friday, June 20, 2008
View from the sidelines
I have to admit I find it fascinating how the Bush administration is taking its place in history as another Nixon White House. This president jeered as a country bumpkin is coming to be known more as the head of the most manipulative, corrupt government machine since that period. Once portrayed merely as a fool, George Walker Bush is skewing and twisting in the public eye, fast becoming a representation of the Face of Evile. (intentional extra 'e') Even his own former supporters are beginning to see the error of their ways and recognize the rose-colored glasses of their belief in an ideal blinded them to the truth.
The latest headlines have been generated thanks to revelations in the new book by Bush former Press Secretary Scott McClellan. I haven't read the book yet, but I can assure you that I will as soon as possible. Just reading the news stories generated and listening to interviews with the author himself, I'm watching the house of cards tumbling down around George's ears. Today's headline: McClellan: Bush must blame himself for mistrust.
Disclosure: I voted for the man, though I was never a huge supporter, by any means. In my view and from what I knew at the time, he was the better choice of the options available at that time for that particular time in history.
This must be what it was like in the Nixon years. As politically precocious as I was, I can't claim first-hand recollection of those years (having been born in September of 1972). Still I have read a lot about the era, as it has always fascinated me - naturally. My favorite political writer is/was Hunter S. Thompson, and "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72" was my first exposure to his work.
(Thanks, you-know-who-you-are, for introducing me to HST, by the way. I don't know if I ever thanked you for it before. Does that mean now that I can blame you, too, for my latest crushing blow?)
But anyway, Nixon did some important things in his presidency, regardless of opinion of him, but he will always be remembered in history for the mind-boggling corruption of his administration.
What will be Bush's legacy? Twenty years from now - one generation - how will he be remembered? Will it depend upon the ultimate resolution of this war or has his place already been set?
It is said that the English translation of an ancient Chinese triad of curses is:
May you live in interesting times.
May you come to the attention of those in authority.
May you find what you are looking for.
We are living in interesting times. We have all come to the attention of those in authority. We must ask ourselves now, what are we looking for?
Is it any wonder that politics is my favorite spectator sport?
(Speaking of spectator sports, the Turkish team are officially the "comeback kings"! Today was by far the most exciting finish of a game in this tournament - and there have been a few!)
Welcome back, smile :)
I woke up to a smile in my inbox this morning, and it stayed with me the whole day. :)
I took the girls out for sushi for lunch. The ladies at the sushi place just love us. For months after they opened, every time we came in they were just fascinated by the fact that Munch and Gin not only love their sushi (the real stuff - raw fish and everything!!), but they even eat it with chopsticks! In fact, Munch told me to specifically mention in my blog that sushi is her favorite food. When she had to write a book of her favorite things for school this year, she proudly announced to me that she was the only one in her first-grade class who'd even eaten sushi before, and she's always proud to tell everyone that it's her FAVORITE FOOD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
We got back just in time for the start of the soccer game. I was cheering for Germany just for the joy of watching Christiano Ronaldo lose. And for Michael Ballack to win. (Mmmmm......hottie!) My sports curse doesn't seem to be carrying over into the soccer world. Or maybe it's just because they're so far away. Hmmm..... Maybe it has something to do with all that water in between.
Of course, all that water is serving as a bit of a barrier to more than just my sports curse, but I'm hoping that particular barrier will be overcome soon. Wish me luck on that particular front. And there's that smile again. :) It's good to have it back.
I'm planning a day trip with Gin and Pooh (and Pooh's girlfriend) for next week. We're planning on hitting Cedar Point on Thursday. We're all roller coaster nuts, and Gin's grown to 52 inches this year, so she can ride all the big ones now. She's looking forward to checking out the Top Thrill Dragster (420 foot drop and 120 miles per hour in under four seconds!!! That's 130 meters and 190 kph for my international friends.). Check out the video:
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Nightmare
I had the most horrifying dream last night, and I have no idea where the idea came from. I'd almost forgotten about it until I just visited a blog, and the writer's post for today was about a strange dream she'd just had.
Here's mine:
Munch and I were about a block from our house waiting at the curb in front of a house for what apparently was the end of some kind of dog race through town. The woman who lives in the house was throwing out chunks of bone and meat that were landing all around us, and we were stumbling around trying not to step on it. She started screaming at us to move just as we heard the dogs coming. Somehow, we hadn't heard them until they began to come around the corner. For some reason, Munch wouldn't move, and I was yelling at her to get out of the way. I had to half drag/half carry her, as she'd made herself stiff refusing to move. We managed to get about halfway across the yard, along the curb, toward the dogs, just behind the edge of a hedge that isn't really there in real life. Then she fell. She lay on the ground, perfectly fine but still refusing to move for some reason. The pack of dogs - huge, vicious ones, not the typical racing types - raced by the hedge toward the scattering of meat and bone. I was still trying to move Munch and began to fall, tripping over her, as I looked over my shoulder and saw that one of the dogs had spotted us and veered toward us. It lunged at me as I fell over Munch and shielded her from attack rather than attempting to defend myself. The massive, snarling, black dog bounded through the air and struck, sinking its teeth into the back of my neck as I heard screams all around me. My perspective left my body, and I was viewing the scene. Munch was safe, but I was mangled. My head was half torn from by body, and the dog was ripping into my arms and legs as the shock of it woke me.
When I opened my eyes, my heart was pounding, and the image was seared into my brain. Somehow, the dream was completely forgotten this morning - until I read that post. Now, I don't think I will ever forget it again.
Viva Italia!
I'm up too late again - and for no good reason. Well, I could watch the Netherlands-Romania game that wasn't televised earlier. I already know the result, but I've only missed one game this tourney. I might as well keep up the record.
I was cheering for the Italian win (and Romanian loss) today. Yay! They're moving on to the quarterfinals! Can I pick Luca Toni as my "footie" crush again? I don't care if he's getting panned for his performance in this tournament - he's just damn sexy.
Speaking of Italians, I had a chat with a new friend today. Actually, he's been on my friend list on Facebook forever, but this is the first I've ever chatted with him. (HE contacted ME - waddya know?) He seems very nice. No "click" though, but still, he's nice. And artistic. And smart. And smokin' hot. Not the one I was hoping to hear from though. THAT one "clicked."
On a completely different subject, hit this link for a potential solution to our dependence on foreign oil that I don't think ANYONE has mentioned before. Bug poo.
The girls had fun at the park today.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Fiction silliness
I was going through some old e-mails trying to clean up my mailbox, which is now at nearly half capacity, even with all the crap I've dumped already.
In the process, I came across a challenge from a fellow writer pal to write the worst opening sentence for a work of fiction, inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest.
My submission:
As the illiterate, fat, out-of-work actress sat in her popcorn costume, munching away at her French fries and poised to strike at the sleeping vampire, she could not help but think that she might have misinterpreted what she thought was a menu board reading, "10 oz. stake, choice of potato, and role with butter."
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Monday, June 16, 2008
At sunset
Sunset sky in pink and gold
Another day, another chapter ends
Turn the page
Turn the corner
A new character
A whole new storyline begins
Hope (and fear)
Light (and shadow)
Life goes on
The Cheese Whisperer
I had my usual Sunday morning (and early afternoon) of work, followed by taking Book home and stopping for lunch with the girls. We got takeout this time though, so we could come home and watch soccer. I started to feel a little too pressured though, so I figured I'd better get back out the door. After all, I paid for the Replay videos on the UEFA site, so I might as well take advantage of them. I'm catching up now, as a matter of fact. Of course, only one of the two games was televised anyway, so I'd have catching up to do anyway.
So we skipped the end of the game and headed off to catch my stepdad to give him his Father's Day gift before he left for a cookout at his son's. (No one else was invited to the cookout - just dad. Nice, eh?)
We stopped off for the weekly groceries, and Munch amused everyone in the deli area with her unnaturally fervent affection for Colby-Jack cheese (she stood with her palms against the glass of the deli case, gazing longingly at the cheese and whispering, "Oh, I love you so much." In fact, she turned to me and said, "I wasn't talking to you, Mom. I was talking to the cheese.")
Just after we arrived home, under beautiful clear blue skies, warnings of a severe thunderstorm just to the north came across the TV screen. Suddenly, black clouds filled the sky, and the wind started up so sudden and strong that I could barely keep my footing when I stepped onto the porch. And that was the moment I realized that we had just emptied the kids' pool in the backyard this morning. I took a peek and saw it was already gone. Gin and I scanned the horizon to see where it had gone (we've lost two kiddie pools, three recycling bins and a giant inflatable jumper to wind - and we never found a trace of them). Just then, as the lightning began to strike all around, Gin spotted the pool dancing across the stubble of last year's cornfield behind our house. Ever try running in the dark through an off-year cornfield, in wind, and lightning, while wearing sandals? Gin reached the pool first and grabbed it, hanging on for dear life and the wind whipped all around. Somehow we made it back through the field just as the raindrops started to fall. We both took a while to catch our breath after that little adventure.
(Holy crap! Looks like I skipped the end of the wrong game, didn't I? How did Turkey manage to pull that one off?)
Anyway, the storm hit furiously, but it only lasted a few minutes then settled into a steady rain that went on for a couple of hours. Not what we need right now.
Oh, and my ex-pig called after discovering the redirect (because OF COURSE, he was on it AGAIN - or tried anyway). He said he thought it was funny, then insisted that I needed to "get over" myself because he's NOT obsessed with me. He claims he just found it interesting, "like the Obama stuff and that kinda thing." Uh huh. 'Cos political opinion is so hard to find anywhere online (I should be getting more traffic). He's 42 and has NEVER voted in ANY election nor shown the slightest interest or understanding in anything remotely related to politics or elections. And he's a complete bigot (once told me that he never would have married me if he'd known that I had dated a black man in college - which makes me even more baffled by the fact that he still wants me NOW). And he doesn't read - anything. But my writing is SOOOO interesting - particularly about Obama - that he was visiting once or twice a day. Uh huh. And I should really get over myself. We've been divorced for nearly six years now, and he still makes a completely nauseating pass at me or asks me to come back to him every couple of months or so - basically whenever I make the mistake of NOT being a COMPLETE bitch to him, he thinks it's a welcome mat. I can't even begin to explain how much the very thought of such a thing disgusts me.
***
My "footie" crush of the day: Valon Behrami
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Wet denim does not dry while on the human body
I got to work early this morning, sans coffee. And after blocking my ex-pig, I headed out to pick up Book, and then to Nana's. I got to watch the first half of today's first Euro Cup game on her 60-inch TV. That was fun, and I even got my mom to watch a minute or two. Her only comment? "They should make them wear helmets if they're gonna do that stuff."
I came home to watch the rest and jumped in the shower to get ready for the party. Running late. Note: trying to shave quickly in a warm shower in an air-conditioned house - BAD IDEA. Goosebumps. 'Nuff said. I couldn't locate my swimsuit, so I figured I wouldn't get to enjoy the pool. Silly me. Somehow *I* ended up being the only fully dressed person to get pushed in, so I got to spend three hours - plus more than an hour's drive home - in wet clothes. It was a very small party - much smaller than I'd expected - but we still all had a good time. The kids, of course, didn't want to ever leave. Munch and Gin had already been in another pool all morning and afternoon at their dad's - with totally insufficient sun protection. (The coward had long since bailed by the time I came to pick up the girls, and he left them with his housemates, so he wouldn't have to face me.) I, of course, slathered them up before their second swimfest, but by then the damage had been done. Poor Munch's eyes were so red she looked possessed, and she's got a pretty uncomfortable looking burn across her nose and cheeks, as well a slightly less intense one over her arms and shoulders. Poor baby. She's miserable but so wiped out she fell asleep almost immediately. I hope it's not hurting her in the morning.
***
My "footie" crush of the day: Giourkas Seitaridis (but don't ask me to pronounce it)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Denied!!!
Well, my ex-husband has refused to stay off my blog, so I've blocked his IP. He's now being redirected to this page.
HAHAHA! DENIED!!!
Friday, June 13, 2008
A little odd
It was an odd day today. Felt odd from the very beginning.
I had some technical difficulties at work, so my work day was longer than it needed to be. Or so I'd thought. Turned out I was going to be working a long day anyway, because we had advertising issues for the site that had to be handled right up to the end of office hours. And I got a little extra work too for a project that's being planned. I'll be working this weekend anyway, so now I have an additional task.
At least I got to watch the games while I was working and waiting and working and waiting. I was extremely disappointed in that totally WRONG offside call against Luca Toni that invalidated his goal and cost the Italians the win. At least they're still in it. And the Dutch blew my mind again. Wow! What a performance!
The other mind-blower of today, of course, was the sudden and unexpected death of Tim Russert. As a journalist and a political junkie, I had the deepest respect for the man and his work. It's hard to imagine the next four months of this election season without him. I have to admit I'm still in a state of disbelief as I watch the coverage. There's just something wrong with seeing the words "Remembering Tim Russert" with the pictures and the poignant music. It just seems so wrong.
Add to that the more than three feet of water rushing through the streets of downtown Cedar Rapids. No slow news day today. Britney's custody hearing hasn't even made it to TV, from what I've seen.
Pooh's 18th birthday party planned for tonight was called for rain - serious rain. But at least it's expected to be clear tomorrow. Should be a fun day by the pool with all the kids and Pooh's friends. I look forward to it. I could use it.
I got to have a nice chat tonight with my dear friend Z in London. I grow to appreciate more every day the wonder of our modern world, in which people from all corners of the world can find each other and touch each others' lives. I have formed friendships as genuine as any in "real life," and I am truly blessed to know them. That reminds me. My friend D in Manchester has assigned me to learn about some British television programming. Apparently, these programs (or is that programmes?) will give me some insight into his delightfully twisted humor. I'm intrigued. He started as my poker pal and has become my soccer pal as well. (And he says I'm the only "girl" he knows who understands the offside rule. Hehe. I've studied. Guess I'm not doing too badly - for a newbie.)
***
My "footie" crush of the day: Luca Toni - of course :)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
There never was a "what might have been"....not really
My baby boy Pooh turned 18 today. It's a cliche, but I still remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. His dad and I were talking about him at his non-grad party last weekend, and we both agree that we're thrilled at how he's turned out. His girlfriend even thanked me for what a good job I did with him. He's loving and generous and sensitive and smart and respectful of women - always. For the child of a single, teenage mom, he's a miracle. I was so pleased when I was talking to his girlfriend, too. She said that he'd told her, "If you ever need a woman to talk to, you can always go to my mom. She'll be there for you." I'm so proud of him.
It was a quiet day at home alone today. I put out more work fires, and then settled in to watch soccer. Kudos for the Croatian defense against the sleeping Germans today. They were on fire! The Austria-Poland game was fun to watch, too. Boruc was really on his game. I tried watching MLS in the evening, but somehow it just didn't seem as interesting. Hmm...
I've been taking a break from politics for a few days. But I caught this little item about a graphic on Fox News calling Michelle Obama "baby mama." Too f*cking far. I hate that term anyway. Shame on you, Fox News. (The E.D. Hill clip that's been making the rounds was totally taken out of context though. Let's be fair, folks. She was quoting what had been made of the gesture in the media and blogosphere - NOT saying that it was HER interpretation.)
I seem to have lost my appetite again today. I guess it's not quite over yet. I'm starting to feel kinda stupid for it sometimes. I've got to find some clear focus FORWARD.
***
My "footie" crush of the day: Artur Boruc (Great game today, and he became a daddy yesterday, too! Congrats!)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
My new ordinary...for now
Great work day today. I got hit left and right with *this* request and *that* late file and *the other* log-in problem, and I put it all away smooth as can be. I keep proving myself, day after day. They can't have any complaints on me.
I started following Barack Obama on Twitter this morning. Imagine my surprise when I saw he's now following me back. Me and the other 39,000 following him. Hehe. Oh well.
I sent my ... former love ... *sigh* ... a link to a blog. The post was about the road not taken, and regrets, and taking a chance. He thanked me for understanding. *Sigh* I never had a chance.
At least I had some great soccer to watch today. And i t w a s *G*R*E*A*T*!! I was disappointed that I had to sit through the announcers' constant deification of Ronaldo. Ick ick ick! You'd think he was the only player on the pitch. Don't get me started. Ick. Throw in a "pr" for good measure...
High praise for the Switzerland-Turkey water polo match as well. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time and had to laugh my ass off when the announcer said they were gathering gopher wood and two of every animal. It was incredible play for the conditions. I'm am sooo hooked!
I took the girls to their dad's for the rest of the week, and Pooh's still gone, so I'll be hanging out on my own for a few days. I got to have a nice long chat with a friend I haven't talked to in a while. Ran a little long actually, because I nearly missed G before he went off to bed. It's five hours later there. I've got to work on my timing. He offered a kiss goodnight though. Ah well. One of these days. ... Maybe.
So You Think You Can Dance is down to the top 20, so they're on to the pairs. This season is going to be incredible!!!
I'm gonna catch the new episode of Men In Trees tonight. ABC didn't pick it up for another season. That sucks. Every time I find a show I reeeeeaaalllly like. Dirt's been canceled, too. Damn it. That show frickin' rocks! If you haven't seen it, catch it on FX before it's gone. (NOT for children, btw. But ... OH! What naughty fun!)
***
My "footie" crush of the day: Diego Benaglio
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Even better
Work was painless. Then I got to watch more soccer. I'm really enjoying this. :)
I signed up for Twitter, although I have no idea why. All I can figure is that I have a text plan on my cell phone, and now that what's-his-name is gone, I don't have anyone else that I usually text. So, why not do the Twitter thing? Maybe it'll make me do things so that I don't look quite so dull.
Took the girls out for ice cream. Came back to watch more soccer. Hehehe. Good games today, btw. And I'm learning so much!
I played a little online poker. Broke about even.
Got an overseas nudge from my favorite playmate G. That's always good for a smile. :) A really BIG smile. :D
Made some Thai food. It kicked ass. :)
I feel good today. It's about f*cking time.
Not quite over you, but getting better every day.
Looks like the girls will be gone for a couple of nights this week. I might have to do something. The first thing I want to do is have a little chat. Hmm.... I'll have to see if I can manage to pull that off.
***
My "footie" crush of the day: David Villa
Monday, June 9, 2008
Getting back to good
I seem to have my appetite back. I only snacked through work, but by the time I finished, I was definitely ready to eat. I was going to cook then got a brainstorm that it might be a good idea to hit the sushi place. After all, that's where I was when I got the text message that made me lose my appetite in the first place two weeks ago. This was my opportunity to own it and not let him ruin that place - and my favorite food - for me. It was a good meal, and I left the restaurant STUFFED.
When we got home, I loaded up the Replay videos from yesterday's games, and the girls and I caught up on the games we missed. I'm watching Germany and Poland now (very carefully avoided accidentally seeing the results anywhere). I paid for these, after all. You can be damn sure I'll watch every game. Especially considering the crappy USD to euro exchange rate. Fortunately, at least SOME of the games will be available through my local cable provider, so I will be able to watch some live. It's kind of nice, though, being able to watch it when it suits me rather than when I have to. (Hmmm.....I wonder if that was his purpose.....)
It's been good being busy for the last couple of days, even though I feel like I got nothing accomplished, because it's kept my mind occupied too. Slowly, I feel as if I'm getting back to me again.
***
My "footie" crush of the day: Michael Ballack
Pics from party day
Book, Gin and Munch stayed busy during big brother's grad party.
Book and Nana's dog, Fluffy
Munch and Fluffy
Pooh's gf and Munch
Pooh (third from left) and some of his pals
Me and Munch
Long day (not the Matchbox Twenty one)
Loooooooooong day. I'm glad I didn't have to work this morning.
Pooh's grad party was today, so I scooped the other three out of bed this morning and got them all headed in the same direction. As usual, Munch couldn't find her shoes. I swear she has 37 pairs of shoes, but she couldn't find any two that match. She ended up wearing her sister's. I gathered up the photos and camera (forgot the gift - but remembered the cash, so the gift was forgiven). I was a little harried already. (But somehow, I have to say, I looked fantastic. Seriously, I was gorgeous today. Hehe. It must be true. Pooh's girlfriend told me so.)
Anyway, I swept the kids off to Nana's (my mom) house and ran in to pick up the meat tray and the cake and the last minute things, then back to Nana's for the party. The usual whirlwind ensued, and btw, it's 95 degrees outside with equally insane humidity.
The guests were slow to trickle in, but once everyone arrived - just a few family members (many didn't show, and I'm P*SSED) and several of his friends (especially impressive because it was out of town), his girlfriend and even her parents and siblings (!!) - the conversation was comfortable and light and friendly. It was an unusual mix of people - fewer than 30 - but it had a really nice, comfortable flow to it, so I was thrilled. Pooh's dad didn't show up, and I was about to be irate until I was told his car had broken down.
People lingered until well past the designated end of the party, then Pooh told us that we were invited to a party at his dad's next. As in - immediately after. As in - today. What?!?
To cut short, we gather kids again. Head off to yet another town, 45 minutes in the opposite direction from home. (Munch has lost her sister's shoes while at Nana's, so she's barefoot after a 25-minute search of the property turned up nothing.) Get to Pooh's stepgrandma's house. Nobody's there. Voicemail. "Mom, apparently the party's at dad's."
Off to dad's another 15 minutes away. There's a party tent on the front lawn and 30 people I don't recognize - with five I do. Pooh strolls up to me, "Umm....this.....isn't....the graduation party"
Turns out that Pooh's dad and stepmom have some guy over giving some affiliate marketing demonstration!!! "Stay! Eat! We have tons of food!"
(Are you kidding me?)
Got stuck there for two more hours, then I finally used my out - gotta get home to write my column. By that time it's almost 10 pm already. So Nana, Pooh's gf, the girls and I, pile into Nana's car (Pooh stayed at dad's) to head back to Nana's - 45 minutes. Gathered up party leftovers and Pooh's gf, the girls and I headed out to take gf home - another 30 minutes. Wouldn't trade it though - had the BEST talk with her during the drive and the girls were dozing off in the back. In fact, we sat in the car in her driveway for ANOTHER 20 minutes talking. By the time I got home with the girls (Munch was sick from overindulging in food and sweets and punch and play and trampolines and sunshine and..... ugh), it was 11:20 p.m.
Voicemail. One of the reporters at work is asking if I've heard any of the word on an incident in my tiny town today. (I hadn't - out of town all day). The incident - a 3-year-old boy hit by a car in his driveway. I check the address. I know that house. I don't know the family, but I've seen that little boy. I remember driving by one day - not more than a few weeks ago - and he was playing in his driveway and someone was backing a truck out of the garage. I got an awful feeling and slowed to watch - my hand at the ready on the horn in case the child changed direction - as the truck swept past him. I've just checked the area TV news Web site. The boy's in the hospital, but he's expected to be ok. Thank god.
Finished my column by 12:45 a.m. and sent it off. Now I'm off.
Long day.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I don't wanna think about today
I swear I felt almost normal today. I didn't have to work this morning, so I was able to sleep a little bit later than usual. My tummy felt just a touch out of sorts, but I was able to breathe through it. I even managed a little lunch and a small dinner later too. I laughed. I smiled. I tried not to think about it, because the reality is a thousand times worse today. I'm trying not to think about it.
It's a gray, dreary, wet day, and all the wind we've been having suddenly has stopped dead. We've still got the heat and the humidity, though, so the dead still is not a good thing. I wanted to take the kids out today, but there's just nothing we can do outside in this weather. I really wanted to get out and get occupied today. I don't want to think about it. I really, really hate thinking about it today.
I wanted to watch soccer today, and I discovered that my local cable company (through which I also get my Internet access) was not carrying either of the games - although I could get golf on 14 channels or so...and drag racing.....and baseball....and girls high school volleyball...and NASCAR....and college baseball. The only place I could watch soccer was on Telemundo - in Spanish - and it was the wrong game. So I tried the UEFA site. Great! They've got live streaming for free in the U.S.! Wait.... It's through ESPN 360. Ok - I go there and try that.... DENIED! My Internet service provider/cable company does not support ESPN 360 streaming. I was left with one option. And I did it. I actually PAID for access to the videos - offered after the games are completed - for the tournament. I'm not sure how much I paid, either. What's the current conversion for U.S. dollars to euros, anyway? The first game has just been made available, and I've got it running now. This better be good.....
Friday, June 6, 2008
Goodbye and hello
My ex-husband has discovered my blog. I will say this now, if you are reading this, Edward, go away. I do not want you here. And I track my stats, so I will always know if you've been here again. I'll set up an e-mail for the girls for you.
*****
Now, onto other things.
I had to say goodbye today. It was a very open and honest exchange. Only time will tell what happens now. I will have a friend, or I will have nothing of him in my life any more. Those are my remaining options, and even now, it is not I who will make the choice.
I stopped by the office after hours with the girls to drop off my time card. I had to face my desk for the first time in two weeks, which meant taking down the picture that had made me smile, even in that place. Captured in that photo was the veeeerrrrrry beginning of it all - a shared smile, before even the first kiss, which would not come for another several hours afterward. That kiss....... s i g h .....
Afterward, the girls and I stopped to pick up some supplies for Pooh's grad party Sunday, then dinner out. I was starving going in. I managed two bites from my salad, a bite of pizza, about a third of a breadstick and a small dish of cottage cheese with pineapple. This really has got to stop. And I want NO MORE people telling me I have to eat! I KNOW I have to eat! I TRY to eat. This is not a hunger strike or something. I'm not doing it by choice. Personally, I'm really impressed with myself that I haven't gone out and bought a pack of cigarettes. If THIS hasn't made me revert, I think I'm safe there.
I had a very brief chat with my friend G across the pond who was up too late already. He was just returning from a night out with friends. I envy his freedom, sometimes. But he did say, "I wish you could be here now." At least someone does....and he IS a particularly nice one.... In fact, he's even considering coming my direction for a visit sometime soon. "We could make it happen," he said. I hope we do. I think it could be good for me.
Oh that reminds me.... I've got soccer to watch this weekend. Apparently, I still have some motivation to learn more about it. :)
Hot days ahead
My horoscope tells me today: "You are feeling more flexible than ever -- in your mind and in your body! This is a great day to explore a new physical exercise, like pilates or tae kwan do. Or even salsa dancing! Your quick mind will enable you to get the hang of it in no time, and you just might find the next great obsession in your life. Integrating new and different things will be a total snap for you, today, so it's a great first day on the job and a wonderful night for a first date." That's what my horoscope says. I don't think so. Not today. But then, it's early still.
The forecast calls for a string of 90-degree days ahead. High humidity too. Oh joy.
I woke up retching again. Understandable though. I didn't fall asleep until 5 am and woke up at 6 am, for no particular reason. Didn't really need to be up before 7:30 or so this morning. I'm thinking it was a one-off though, rather than a real return of the insomnia.
We had good chat late last night. We got some things out on the table, and I passed along some information that probably would have gnawed at me had I not shared it, for whatever it's worth.
Btw, it hit the news this morning that "grease gangs" are out stealing waste grease from restaurants to convert to bio-fuel on the black market. Wasn't that an episode of the Simpsons?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Yet another day gone by
The girls and I went to the park for a little while this afternoon. The air was soooo hot but there was a strong wind blowing too. It was actually a little disorienting. The hot wind seemed to draw the life out of all of us. The air conditioning felt fantastic when we got home.
I had a couple of nice chats today - not the ones I wanted to, but still, they were nice. I also got to learn a little more about a new old friend...or an old new friend. Either way - it was really nice.
AAANNNDDD my very long-lost friend from my childhood has now joined Facebook, so we actually chatted a little while there tonight too. That was almost surreal. I remember being at a birthday/slumber party at her house - we must have been about 12 years old - and so much of it is sooooo ridiculously clear to me. We watched videos of the movies Risky Business and Savannah Smiles. I remember that we kept surreptitiously rewinding RB over and over again to watch the underwear dance (particularly the part on the couch!!) without getting caught by her mother. Haha! Silly the things one remembers.... I remember, too, that I was the only girl who wasn't massively crushing on Tom Cruise. He just wasn't my thing, as I recall.
Anyway, I ate TWICE today. And it all stayed down. And I didn't cry at all...until just now when I started to think again. I know he's gone because he chooses to be, and I deserve someone who chooses me. I know what we had is over. I just wish I knew how to STOP loving him....
Breathe easy now, Lifetime people
Before the folks at Lifetime television suffer collective apoplexy over my little blog here, I would like to issue a clarification.
A few days ago I mentioned that Lifetime had a new promotion going centering on this nifty redecorated jet called the Flying Tigress. I thought they were being terribly irresponsible in this day and age, as their promos go on and on about the plane "traveling" all over the country to promote Lifetime. (Somehow, MY little ol' post came up as the top result on Google for the search term "Lifetime Flying Tigress" at one point - it doesn't seem to anymore, but the Digg for it does.)
Well, some anonymous person or persons over at Lifetime (according to my site tracking) has pointed out to me that it's a nonworking jet that won't be FLYING anywhere; therefore, this person recommended that I "calm down." (It will, however, be hauled about somehow, unless the whole "traveling" bit was a COMPLETE fabrication, rather than just misleading.) But anyway, the point is, they're not FLYING it around being completely socially and environmentally irresponsible in this day and age - they just want to make it LOOK like they are. Obviously, I'm not the ONLY one who was under this impression, as I came across THIS post just today.
Thanks for pointing out this distinction to me, anonymous Lifetime person. I'm glad we've cleared all that up.
Summertime hobby aids
Summertime is here, and it's time for those of us who shrivel up in the bitter cold of winter to get back outside into the world again. So pop on those Rayban sunglasses and head out to the tennis courts or the hiking trail and enjoy the weather.
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And if you ever have any questions about any of the products available at Optics Planet, their Product Specialists will be happy to help you out. If you're not happy with your purchase, they even offer a 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Salient serendipity
This is my 100th post!
The forecast calls for sunshine and 90 degrees today. Sun and 94 tomorrow. The humidity already is climbing. It's going to be miserable out. Seems too early in the year, but then nothing feels quite right lately. How did someone so far away come to so integral to my life?
Serendipity (the movie) is on this morning. I never seem to be able to avoid watching it when it's on. It's become another When Harry Met Sally... to me, or even The Princess Bride. Hmm....... sappy stories of love and destiny and luck and fate. I believed - once. It wasn't perfect, by any standard. But it just felt RIGHT. He wasn't perfect, but HE felt right.
My mother called me this morning. Apparently my column was bumped from the local paper on Tuesday (it'll run Saturday instead - no big), but she was worried when she didn't see it. She's been with me through just about every relationship fiasco of my life, but she saw something different in this one too. She's concerned for me.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Thunderstorms ... and illumination
I finally got my thunderstorm! It was a spectacular thing. Its peak intensity lasted for at least 20 or 30 minutes with crashing thunder that shook the house and brilliant flashes of lightning that made my heart stop for a moment and driving rain thrumming against the roof and howling winds that had the windows rattling. Then, as if a faucet had been turned off, it just stopped. All was silent except for the sound of the runoff in the gutters. Then a slow rumble began in the distance, and a flickering appeared beyond the horizon. Then.....BOOM! It began again in full force for just a couple more minutes. The thunder and lightning continued for more than three hours afterward. It was glorious!
I paused before work this morning long enough to take that pic of the tangled mass of blankets and hair somewhere within which my daughters could be found. However, I can maintain the Wordless of Wordless Wednesday for only one post. I can't ever promise you silence - particularly not with the scrambled mess in my head lately. :)
Work was uneventful, but it was followed by a therapeutic chat that left me not any happier but at least a little more settled within myself. I find they've been having that effect on me consistently. I understand they'll be ending shortly, and I'll adjust. But I think there is a real friendship here that should be preserved.
I found myself becoming a bit melancholy and thought I'd get out for a little while. I don't know why I keep thinking that will help. For some reason, being OUT intensifies the feelings, which is odd for any number of reasons... Anyway, I took the girls to a late lunch. (NO sick today) then we went shopping for a little while. It built up in me again so it was a short trip and difficult drive home.
My evening turned for the better though. I got on Facebook for a while and played some poker just to clear my head. I cleaned up! And I had a fun, relaxed chat with everybody in the room. It just felt good. I closed out of the game though when I got messaged by two friends at the same time and couldn't keep up with the windows. :)
My friends are being such ANGELS lately, checking up on me and offering encouragement - even though no one REALLY knows any of the story (ours was the stuff of legend, we always said- though very few ever knew about it). But they've known I'm feeling down, so they're helping to boost me up. One chat tonight was that great kind of thing. Very sweet and thoughtful. The other, though..... made ... me ... SMILE. And ... it opened up some VERY interesting possibilities. Something new. Something exciting. Something adventurous. A vacation from my life. A vacation from my loss. A vacation from myself, even.
Wordless Wednesday
***
Required addition:
When I woke up this morning I saw this tangled mass of hair and blankets and bodies - and a foot. I'm not entirely sure whose foot that is. I think it must be Gin's, but I'm at a loss to figure out how she's folded up under there. I don't think there's anyone else in there. Hmmm....
I signed up for SocialSpark!
I signed up for SocialSpark!
Actually, I signed up about a month ago, but now that my blog has reached the ripe old age of 90 days (birthday balloons and flowers may be delivered via the rear entrance - thank you!), now I'm happy to say that Insomnimusing is a fully qualified blog for SocialSpark, and I can now take advantage of all kinds of wonderful opportunities to make money with my blog while writing only about the things that I want to write about.
Advertisers join SocialSpark to spread the word about their site, opportunity, product or service. They want you to use your blog to write about their thing and get more attention for it. But it's not just advertising. You don't have to support anything you don't like. Everything you post is expected to be your 100% REAL opinion. That's right. YOUR opinion is the one that matters. And your'e invited - heck, you get PAID - to let EVERYBODY know about it.
On top of being a way to make money with a blog, SocialSpark is a real, interactive community for bloggers. And even if your blog is less than 90 days old and you can't take advantage of the paid offers, you can still make use of the networking tools. The marketplace is even set up so that bloggers can help support each other with link exchanges, blog reviews and more.
SocialSpark is a great way to help you monetize your blog, participate in a community of bloggers and drive traffic to the blog you've worked so hard to make great. And SocialSpark operates under a strict code of ethics, which includes 100% auditable in-post disclosure, 100% transparency, 100% real opinions and it's 100% search-engine friendly.
And unlike SOME services out there that offer to pay you to post your opinions, SocialSpark ALWAYS has TONS of offers available.
Check it out! There's something for everyone!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
This moment in history
I'll throw my voice in marking this moment in history as Barack Obama clinches the Democratic nomination for president of the United States. Congratulations, and stay safe. (And don't pick Hillary.)
Under a turbulent sky
I was awake an hour and a half before my alarm this morning - again. And I spent the time being sick - again. Retching is a fantastic isometric exercise. I'll be sporting a six-pack in no time.
My past came back to me too - again. It will not be more than my past though. I don't confuse a history with a future. Even a history not properly finished is not the place to go to find the rest of my life. That flash of light in the convergence of 'new' and 'history' can be blinding. I know. I've been there, and I've seen it over and over, too. And I've never known of anyone who could be convinced that it was what it was. Only time ever seems to be able to teach that lesson.
I've got a few "less-thans" coming forward, as well. But I don't do casual. And I can't give my heart away again. And I don't know how to be only partly THERE. Few things I need to figure out as I move forward, I guess.
And I can never again underestimate the importance of intellectual compatibility. I absolutely must have someone with whom I can have really intelligent, involved, insightful, meaningful conversation - compatible not only in depth and breadth of knowledge but eager and curious always for more.
Something sort of strange has happened recently, too, that seems to have a tie to this odd twist in my life. I've had an account at Classmates.com for years - sometimes paid, most times not. In the past three years, only one or two people - total - ever signed my guestbook there. Suddenly, in just the past month or so, I've had 21 people sign it, with five in just the past week. I haven't even posted any kind of news or anything. One even wrote a nice note...she was a very close friend of mine when I was about 10 years old. This "history returning" thing seems to be a turn of the universe at the moment. Maybe something not done now needs to be done.
Curiously, as the dark gray clouds roil overhead, I'm beginning to come to a sense of peace. Or maybe it's just the exceptional cup of coffee I've made for myself.
I think I need a getaway. I'm fantasizing about a weekend in New York. It's completely amorphous at the moment, but as a concept, it seems like a winner. I don't know yet, though.
Gin and I got in just a few minutes at the tennis courts before it turned into a nice walk in a steady rain. Now that we've gotten home, it's turning a bit tumultuous out there. I think I'll take advantage of it for some meditation.........
Just an observation
Lifetime television for women has got this new ad campaign about some big promotional tour. They've got this nifty, massive jet called the "Flying Tigress" that they'll be flying all over the country promoting all the new changes at Lifetime. Great movies, new shows. All kinds of whoopty-whoop.
But here's the thing....hasn't anyone mentioned to the marketing folks at Lifetime that it's 2008? Gas for cars is $4 a gallon - at least. (Jet fuel prices are insane as well.) Our dependence on foreign oil is almost universally recognized as out of control. We are coming to awareness on our environmental impact, and regardless of our position on global warming, can at least recognize the value in minimizing impact. What's the carbon footprint on that Flying Tigress, Lifetime? How many of your regular viewers can even afford to fly commercially - let alone on a private jet - with the increase in ticket prices because of rising fuel prices? Do you know who your viewers are? Do you think they're more interested in shallow glamour ploys, or do you think they might have more respect for social and environmental responsibility?
Monday, June 2, 2008
It's Monday
For the briefest time - before the world flipped over - I got a tiny taste of happiness, a glimpse of hope, a dream for a future. He knew me. He knew how hard it was for me to be vulnerable again. He knew that I lived in terror of the day that I should lose him. I don't know how this could happen. None of this is right at all. This would all make a lot more sense to me if I were to look in the mirror and find myself sporting a curly mustache.
"Oh, what fresh hell is this?"
I worked. It did keep me busy. I had the extra work of the other two papers, as well as my usual extras for Monday and some special requests from the peanut gallery. I got it all done cleanly and efficiently. And I still broke down and cried five separate times before noon. (I specifically kept track - 'cos it seemed like a lot lately. He must take some joy in knowing he wields such power.)
I ate some. It sits like a lump, but it sits. I napped in the middle of the day. I usually can't do that, but sleep is so much easier. The sky has turned a strange color. I hope there's a storm coming. Something really big. I doubt it though. I checked the radar. A tiny system passed just to the north, and the forecast doesn't have anything until tomorrow.
I thought I just heard a distant rumble of thunder. Probably just wishful thinking. On the plus side, I've gone nine solid hours with dry cheeks. I think that's a record.
Grad pics
I've just now gotten to the point that I could even look at graduation photos. Here's one of the me and my big boy. And one of all the kids together. I wish that one was better. It's so rare that all four of them are in the same place at the same time. I won't even comment on me.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Grumble...growl...f**k!!! (venting....you've been warned)
It's a clear, blue, warm, sunny day. I ventured out, and I have to say, I'm getting really tired of feeling like this. I know it's over. I know if he can't love me completely then he's not worthy of me.
So I took my girls to lunch. Everything looked great. Tasted wonderful too. I was really making some progress, until the reggae was piped in through the sound system. That was the end of my lunch.
From there we went to the grocery store. I felt progressively weaker as we proceeded through the store. The tears didn't break through until I got to the fruit. (No surprise there.) At least I made it to the parking lot before I actually got sick. So much for lunch. I had a large, empty cup on hand for the drive home.
(Allow me to express here additional RAGE at the fact that my own body is so betraying me and shows no signs of relenting!)
That had been the most I'd gotten into my stomach at one time in a week. My head's got it figured out, but the universe isn't quite finished with my suffering just yet. I just hope that one day, he'll come to appreciate how deeply he was loved. Not everybody gets to have that. In fact, it's a pretty rare thing to be loved like that. I will not ever accept responsibility for not giving everything that possibly could be given from my position.
I REALLY am getting better though. I swear. And I DO get it. My head's fully wrapped around it. But I don't apologize for having a heart that will not just be shifted off. I don't apologize for not being able to just STOP loving. In fact, I would think that makes me a BETTER person. My heart is loving and generous and selfless and true and devoted and loyal and honest. Add to that the fact that I'm intelligent, insightful, witty, charming, thoughtful, completely faithful, completely THERE ... and pretty damn attractive physically, too. Most people, I'd think, WANT that in a mate. But then some people are stupid. And some people are cowards. And some people just can't SEE. And they sure as hell can't THINK.
I deserve someone way smarter than that.
(Oh how sad.....I was trying to make myself eat something, and my little one came up to me with the face of an angel, having watched me all week, held up a stack of saltines and said, "If your tummy's sad, here's those square crackers, mom.")
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